Why Athletes Can’t Have Regular Jobs


My friend Keith McGrath sent this to me and it was too funny not to share. I have no idea if it’s true but, it’s funny. I also have no idea where it originated.

WHY ATHLETES CAN’T HAVE REGULAR JOBS… with some notable exceptions of course!
1. Chicago Cubs outfielder Andre Dawson on being a role model: “I wan’ all dem kids to do what I do, to look up to me. I wan’ all the kids to copulate me.”

2. New Orleans Saint RB George Rogers when asked about the upcoming season: “I want to rush for 1,000 or 1,500 yards, whichever comes first.”

3. And, upon hearing Joe Jacobi of the ‘Skin’s say: “I’d run over my own mother to win the Super Bowl,” Matt Millen of the Raiders said: “To win, I’d run over Joe’s Mom, too.”

4. Torrin Polk, University of Houston receiver, on his coach, John  Jenkins: “He treats us like men. He lets us wear earrings….”

5. Football commentator and former player Joe Theismann: “Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein.”

6. Senior basketball player at the University of Pittsburgh: “I’m going to graduate on time, no matter how long it takes.” (Now that is beautiful)

7. Bill Peterson, a Florida State football coach: “You guys line up alphabetically by height…” And, “You guys pair up in groups of three, and then line up in a circle.”

8. Boxing promoter Dan Duva on Mike Tyson going to prison: “Why would anyone expect him to come out smarter? He went to prison for three years, not Princeton.”

9. Stu Grimson, Chicago Blackhawks left wing, explaining why he keeps a color photo of himself above his locker: “That’s so when I forget how to spell my name, I can still find my clothes.”

10. Lou Duva, veteran boxing trainer, on the Spartan training regime of heavyweight Andrew Golota: “He’s a guy who gets up at six o’clock in the morning, regardless of what time it is.”

11. Chuck Nevitt, North Carolina State basketball player, explaining to Coach Jim Valvano why he appeared nervous at practice: “My sister’s expecting a baby, and I don’t know if I’m going to be an uncle or an aunt.”    (I wonder if his IQ ever hit room temperature in January)

12. Frank Layden, Utah Jazz president, on a former player: “I told him, ‘Son, what is it with you? Is it ignorance or apathy?’ He said, ‘Coach, I don’t know and I don’t care.'”

13. Shelby Metcalf, basketball coach at Texas A&M, recounting what he told a player who received four F’s and one D: “Son, looks to me like you’re spending too much time on one subject.”

14. In the words of NC State great Charles Shackelford I can go to my left or right, I am amphibious.

15. Amarillo High School and Oiler coach Bum Phillips when asked by Bob Costas why he takes his wife on all the road trips, Phillips responded:  “Because she is too damn ugly to kiss good-bye

2 Responses to “Why Athletes Can’t Have Regular Jobs”

  1. When stars speak I listen!!!

    What’s Walmart, do they sell like wall stuff?
    Paris Hilton

    Beware you be not swallowed up in books! An ounce of love is worth a pound of knowledge – John Wesley

    He has the attention span of a lightning bolt. Robert Redford

    No man is totally useless-he can always serve as a bad example. Apocrypha

    I have opinions of my own strong opinions but I don’t always agree with them. – George Bush

    Facts are stupid things- Ronald Reagan

    “Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can’t help but cry. “I mean, I’d love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff.” – said Mariah Carey

    Is this chicken what I have, or is this fish? I know it’s tuna but it says Chicken, by the Sea
    Jessica Simpson

  2. Number 12 is my favorite.

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